A Love Letter for Dad

Daddy.....
its been a while i havent seen your face, holding your hands and fooling around with you.
I havent tell you that im wearing hijab now, for you :)
Once you said that i was really pretty in it, i keep that in mind.
Daddy, have you eaten? What are you doing up there? I really miss you, every night im just tightly hug ur pillow that you used on your funeral for the last time.
Every time i pray, hoping you get the best place beside Allah. Still remember the way you woke me up every morning, you rubbed my face with your hands that full of water. Half-awake, i said, "Don't push my eyes hard, you'll make them just smaller." and you laughed. Haha. Every morning just like that. You always said that english is important, in the future english will be needed. Thats true :| thanks to you. 
Remember the last time you able to walk. You really want some icy juice and i opposed you because it was for your sake dad. Its not good to drink an icy water for stroke sufferer. I promised you, i'll buy you some juice but no ice in it. And you nodded. That was the last thing i promised you and im sorry i cant fulfill it until you sleep forever. Actually, i have so many regretful things dad. Im sorry i cant be with you for the last time. You hold my hands weakly try saying, "dont go." with the gesture. If i knew, it was the last time you able to see me. I swear Dad, i want to turn the time back. They said "you have took a good care toward him, so there no thing to be regretted." They false dad. My mom and i are the most struggling with the lost. Enough for the sad story, dont wanna make you suffer up there bcs of my tears. Look dad! Im writting this letter fully in english. I dont care with the grammar. Just wanna make you proud. Hahaha. I know you love me by Allah guidance. Goodnight Dad. Love from your youngest daughter.

Recently Sketched

actually, this is unfinished one (mood keep changing vro) hehe

2013 Hardship - Dad

Hey! It's been a while since my last post for several years ago. Recently, i've been spending 3 months off from my college. Well... it's quite long since i've nothing to do. Actually, i wanna talk about hardship that i faced. I dont know where should i start. For back 2 months i've cried a lot, because my father was sick. His brain has bleeding because of high blood pressure.

It was happen 2 months ago... Before he got this serious bleeding, actually he is stroke sufferer. He became quite slow doing anything like eating, walking.. anything. For stroke sufferer, monthly check up is a must. Other side, my father never wanna go to hospital even just for check up. Yeah, he is stubborn one. When my nephew have a birthday, my whole family  humbly celebrated it by blowing candle and eating cakes. Happily, my father ate the cake. And the next morning, my father was unable get up and his consciousness decreased. He only could open his both eyes a half and unable say any word. I wanted to go to hospital with my family, but the members ask me to go campus. My father in Emergency Unit for 10 hours long until his Brain X-Ray.. (whatever it called) was out. Then the doctor showed up and gathered family members to announce the result. I tried to hold the tears. Dont cry... Dont cry... Doctor said my father has bleeding in his brain that really need soon to have a surgeon. At that time. That night. At 02.00 am my mother got the hospital which quite far from town because a lot hospitals didn't want accept related medical personnel and limited equipment. I went home with my brother along with the ambulance. Another effort  to hold the tears on my way home. It's just unbearable for me to see him was so helpless. Other side, i need to think about my English presentation at 07.00 pm. So branched.

After done with my english presentation which not really success, i called my brother that i wanna visit my father but he said no one able to picked me up and he told me that my father will enter operating room at the afternoon. I can't handle the tears. I cried a lot quietly at campus's toilet. Luckily, i went along with my sister and her friend. Got incoming call from my brother. "Dad just entered the operating room..Just pray. Doctor said this surgeon only 20-30% possibilities." I don't like to show my sadness front people, just hold it. Befor he entered operating room, Dad cried to hear that heartbreaking news. "Sorry dad for made you hear such a helpless news... Please survive..." Talked to self.

Randomly Sketched

 Self Project.

 Internship project.

well, recently i've already be a student in a college in Jakarta majoring in Graphic Design. Ngambil jurusan di Desain grafis itu sangatlah menguras imajinasi fikiran gue. Lately, gue dapet tugas dari dosen merencana yaitu disuruh gambar 'suara'. Gue sampe hari ini masih belum dapet inspirasi yang pas. Dan, sekedar buat dokumentasiin hasil kerja gue, just wanna share the sketch that i've done. Gue masih amatir dalam sketsa bentuk yang proporsional sama aslinya. Jadi, seperti inilah..

ini sketsa perdana gue, Alhamdulilah yahh.

this is the second one. Dosen meminta untuk menggambar bidang simetris. Tadaaaaa~!

this is the third. started to sketch some subjects. there are a ball, bottle, a box and a duster. how it was?

the fourth, canned milk and also the duster.

the fifth, palstic box

 

thet sixth, soccer ball, anyone wanna play this ball? lol

Nah, itu sketsa yang baru gue buat berdasarkana instruksi Dosen 'menggambar bentuk' gue, and hopefully those are inspire you well. ^^
I am not mastering any of those, im just wanna share them. Hoping those will inspire you anyway. :)

finding new experience

annyeong my Blog! :) 

 

gapernah sempet ngisi ini blog karena sibuk hehe (alibi) gue mencari sebuah pengalaman baru nih...

yaitu finding new job karena dapet link dari kaka ipar, lumayan daripada lumanyun.

satu hari sebelum pemberian lamarannya gue sempet kalang kabut gara gara disuruh buat surat pernyataan belum menikah dari Rt setempat. Heh???? gue mikir lebeh amat pake surat begituan yang bikin jengkel lagi pengurus Rt nya itu sok tau bilang, 'hah? apaan? surat belom nikah? yang ada ada aja sih pake begituan segala, saya baru kali ini dapet perintah kaya gini, blablabla...', dalam hati gue bilang,'gue juga mana tau baru kali ini juga gue dapet syarat begitu..' rasanya pengen gue tinggalin aja itu orang, si Babe yang nganter juga diem aja cuma nyengir ujung ujungnya gue ditinggal bedua ama itu orang. *sebaiknya gue lewatin aja bagian ini (makin emosi dinget inget). Hari lamarannya pun tiba dan ktp gue belom ada ditangan karna perbaikan tanggal lahir. Finally, semua syarat udah kekumpul, telat deh gue dateng kesana. sekitar 3 jam gue menunggu dan menunggu baru diinterview. selesai interview gue disuruh balik kesana lagi hari sabtu jam setengah 2 udah disana. oke. ga telat. Diinterview (lagi) sama manajernya, ada satu pertanyaan yang masih keinget sama gue, 'kamu kuat berdiri seharian?','kuat pa Jakarta-Bogor.' __________hening. Belom tau kekuatan gue dia. Selesai tuh interview dia ngomong,'oke hari senen jam sepuluh yaaa....','weeees udah diterima nih???' dalam hati gue, 'hari senin tes psikotes jam 10 ya.'_________gue diem. 

gue cape..... cape gueeeeeee begini mulu tau ngga???? #edisiberantemsamapacar

lamaran yang anti-klimaks

begitupun cerita yang gue buat.     

woman and her foolishness

this is about woman and her foolishness.

she falls in love with a guy. warm and mature guy. yet, the guy has already owned.

but she still keep loving him wholeheartedly. they still keep-in-touch each other after misscomunication for long time. the woman still don't understand whats going on. the guy keep her in good feeling over his kindness. he full of careness. but the woman doesnt feel full of hoping.

one day, when they are have phone contact. the woman said something wrong about his girlfriend that makes the guy become angry, but the guy didnt take it serious. he said,'hey you shouldn't say that, you should not say that thing, she is my girl.' the woman replied,'oh im sorry im so sorry.' with laughing they are just kidding each other. but not the woman feel. her heart full of silences. she feels broke. she feels so fool. the woman still keep her feeling good. but that doesn't enough to explain about her running tears from her both eyes. she deeply feel uncomfortable with herself. the tears keep running out. and she starts to talk to herself.

*do you know the saddest thing appear? that is when you try to figure out your self, you can't. all this time what are you looking for?! you can't depend on something absurd. the woman thinks.

do you know when the time i feel blue? do you know when the time i need you? do you know what i feel when the time your girl attacked me thousand painful words? you never know! never! you never defend me like you defend her! you never know about my loneliness, about my sadness. you just know spending time with me to fade your dizziness. you even didnt save my number. have you ever thought how selfish you are?!*

at the end the woman just know one thing, let the time proves everything. everything about the woman. everything about the guy. everything about guy's girlfriend. everything to the all could be. something good or something bad. The woman realizes that something bad that will tightly hold her. its up to the time.

getting confused

lately, i was thought that im in wrong step.
lately, i was thought that im in wrong circumstance. im getting confused with everything occured around. i dont want to hear from others that im bad girl that took other boy from his girlfriend. deeply i said that i love him!. i really love him!.

around told me that ive to open my heart for who loves me. i really want to! but i cant, i dont know.


so, what i've going to do?? i just want to think and concentrate on my final exam, i can count the day! so close!!!



ah let me continue next time!!!1
i have to continue create a look hahahaha